My hair is long. Really long. And I’m about to get real with you…
It’s not always pretty.
In a previous post, I described my indifference and general discontentment towards my hair situation.
Yet I remain equally committed to growing it out because I want it to be the longest length it’ll ever be in my life.
If you think that’s not a #RealLifeGoal, then obviously you’ve never tried growing out your hair to its longest length.
Try it. Commit to growing your hair for years. Years. And then fight every impulse to hack away at it. You’ll find, as I did, that there are major (and sometimes gross) inconveniences to having really long hair.
Let me count the ways…
1) Food in your hair. Hair in your food. Like tentacles in search of prey or a hungry spiderweb, my hair often gets in my food or food gets in my hair. It’s so embarrassing when I’m talking to someone and they’re like, you’ve got pastry flakes in your hair.
2) Gnarly tangles. What a tangled web my hair weaves! I have the most unruly hair that gets super tangled at the ends. If I don’t brush my hair every night, woe unto me! It starts forming dreds. And when it gets really bad, I have to resort to using scissors and salvaging what remains.
3) Hair hair hair everywhere. In the drain pipes. On the floor. On the couch. All over my sheets and pillows. Behind the door. Between my toes. Everywhere. And it clumps together. Then clumps start clumping together. Until you have hair rolling around the house like tumbleweed gathering dust and cat hair in its wake.
4) Death by hair strangulation. When I’m sleeping or *ahem* involved in other special bedroom activities, I have to constantly move my hair around in such a way that I do not get choked and suffocate and die from it. Can you imagine that obituary?
5) Miscellaneous mishaps. This is related to the last point. My hair is now at a length that it can get caught in tragic situations. Like door knobs, backpacks, zippers, sliding train doors or elevators. Also, if I’m ever bending down, I have to watch it because it can inadvertently dip into unsavory places. Like food bowls. Or toilet bowls. I’m not saying this has happened. I’m just worried about it…
6) Time. Long hair means longer showers. It also means more time spent just brushing your hair. Also, the ends tend to get really dry because the farther they are from your scalp the less of your natural hair oils the receive. So you have to do more things to it like using hair masks and getting regular trims and treatments. Not to mention all the time you’ll spend cleaning your house because hair is everywhere.
7) Money $$$. Not only does long hair take up a lot of time, it will also use up more of your money. That’s because you will need more of everything. More shampoos, conditioners, hair tools, etc. And if you want your hair to look somewhat kempt, you will need to invest in higher quality conditioners, masks and treatments. Otherwise, what’s the point? Therefore, long hair is much more expensive than short hair.
8) Boring. Long hair means you will sacrifice volume for length. Most days your hair will be dangling limply and lifelessly from your head. So if you want to up the va va voom factor, you have to tease volume into your hair by using a hair blower, a special rounded brush and lots of hairspray. See number 6 & 7 above. Also, you will see other people doing fun, crazy things to their hair. Like chopping it off and dying it all sorts of rainbow colors. But nope. Not you. You’re committed.
So why the hell would anyone want to carry on growing out their hair?
I’ll keep it brief:
– Long hair is pretty. It really is. Provided that you take very good care of it.
– It keeps you warm. If you live in a cold windy place like Siberia or San Francisco, having long hair is as good as wearing a scarf.
– You can have fun with it. You can hair flip like Beyoncé. Or dress up like a scary ghost girl for Halloween. There are so many ways to style long hair and have fun with it. It’s simply up to you.